Hi XXXXX,
Whatever happened is for good, whatever is happening is for good, whatever will happen also is for good.
You "WERE" like what you mentioned below, you contacted us, some of us wrote back- all for good.
You have to invoke your survival instincts, thats what Vinayak had tried to catalyse, and thats super good. This group is a bootcamp for 1) learning to use ones own fears to excel 2) to chanelise ones own rage positively and hence to never ever give up and to never die on one's knees 3) to spread the fire of revolution to newbies far and wide 4) to realise ones true calling and to learn the joys in doing so - the way to these achieved are not easy or soft, so don't worry if you get spanked during induction training!- because its all good.
Without u urselves invoking your fighting spirit and problem solving attitude there's nothing we as third parties can do- we can tell u a thousand ideas to crush your aggresor(s) but u wont be able to implement any of these ideas, until such time you STAND UR GROUND & FIGHT(after ackowledging the root causes and contributing factors , in your case these are 'Sadistic' mentality of your wife and you being "too soft" on even your aggresor which is feeding the aggressor's confidence even more). See this video for possible inspiration http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3koC6v9VHyk .
You may not realise how important it is to first "Pick Yourselves" up and then solve your problem one by one(like you would have done with your Mathematics Question papers).
The best way to get inspired to do all this is to meet the SIF-Chennai group in one of their weekly meetings, contact Girish at 9381026333 or Ramkumar 9941315784 for more information.
I remember a recent Chennai case similar to yours(the case of hubby_in_trouble (at) yahoo.com, copying this mail to him for his inputs on this) was successfully tackled by the group, you could use a similar game plan, customised to the facts of your case.
What I suggested to "hubby_in_trouble" was this -> http://bok498a.blogspot.com/2008/06/first-strikers-advantage-live-saving.html , I guess this will look scary for new members, but as one gains confidence by interacting with the local group, you will do more scarier things than u ever imagined u would.
Warm Regards,
Re: Serious family problem
Posted by: "Rahul Verma"
Sat Aug 2, 2008 6:44 am (PDT)
After Vinayak's reply, there is hardly anything others can add.....
XXXXX - please answer the questions Vinayak asked so that we understand your thinking better
And attend the weekly meetings as pointed out by Girish
----- Original Message ----
From: e_vinayak
To: saveindianfamily@ yahoogroups. com
Sent: Saturday, August 2, 2008 3:29:33 PM
Subject: [SaveIndianFamily] Re: Serious family problem
I generally sympathise a lot with victims
I'm myself am one and so the sympathy I
assume is natural
However I am confounded by some issues here
.... so help me understand
1. Your wife has been working for approx 8
months now...but you do NOT even know where
she works...
...I fully understand that she did
NOT tell you but haven't you engaged a
security agency / detective agency or a
freind who can find out ???
If you can't find out who will ??
2. You say she yells at your mom, she
speaks badly ...bets that your mum will get
out etc etc etc.... There are two extremens
in handling bad behaviour ... (a) giving it
back i.e being bad yourself IF YOU have the
guts and the mental strength or (b) just
ignoring the bad behaviour .... ... but how
do you expect us to react when you say you
are so scared of something that you can't
even tell this bitch to shut up ?????
3. What have you done these 3 years ?? I
mean other than writing this pitiable mail
what have you done ??
4. The reason I am asking all these
questions is because we set up originally to
fight against un some scrupulous police or
some un scrupulous people misusing the
law.... NOW in your case there is NO misuse
of law till date... this is a case of wife
ill treating the hubby and the hubby
wringing his hands in fear NOT knowing what
to do ???
dear ...oh dear.....
I do NOT know how to respond to DAY TO DAY
ill treatment that a MAN is happily (or
sadly) tolerating for 3 years.....
what made me write this is
^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^
>Members please help me on how to deal. I do
>not want to leave the child nor my Mom. I
>plan to seperate my mom from the current
>house and
You are SO SCARED that you are asking us IF
your mom can take HER own things and get out
??? GOD ...YOU ARE asking us how to throw
you mum out...????
Some questions
------------ ---------
- are you ready to fight ?????
- Mister ... !!!! ARE YOU READY TO FIGHT
BACK ???? OR ARE YOU EXPECTING SOME MIRACLE
??? or do you plan to run away from this
problem ???
- what is that you want from a SELF HELP
GROUP like us ?? just to tell how to throw
your mum out ????
I'm confounded .....
regards
Vinayak
>Hello Sirs,
>
>I am XXXX from chennai. I got married 3
>yr back. i did not borrow a single pie as
>dowry. Her family members - dad, mom, 1
>younger brother & 1 younger sister. They
>hail from Tuticorin. The Marriage was held
>in Tuticorin. From the day of marriage, my
>wife used to speak sharply, i mean always
>deeply hurt others. After wedding ceremonies
>, she bet my Mom that she would send her Old
>Home center within one year. She started
>hating my mom like anything from day one and
>did many unlikely things. I also counselled
>my wife many times and told my mom is very
>important to me and i am her only son.
>Before proceeding to my problem, i would
>like to tell a few words about my Mom.
>
>My mom struggled to bring me up, with great
>financial difficulty , since my dad died
>when i was 9 yr old. None of her relatives
>supported her and she struggled to get the
>govt. job on compassionate ground, since my
>dad was a govt.employee. She gave good
>schooling, college and all facilities i
>required in my life. Today am in a very gud
>position. My mom is a very sick patient.
>From her early years she struggled for her
>life even with her parents and family before
>marriage. It is after her marriage she feels
>she is better. Her first child (my brother)
>died at an early age and her 3rd child (my
>sister) also died at an early age. I am the
>middle son and I like my mom a lot. She is
>suffering from BP, Sugar, Psoriasis,
>Arthities, Liver Stone, Chest problem etc..
>
>After my Child was Born she and her family
>starting acting entriely aginst us. She want
>my mom to be seperated. She does not do any
>domestic chores. nor she looks after my
>child. She used to beat my child oftenly to
>show her anger against me and my Mom. Till
>last year Nov'07 she was in the house just
>eating wat we cooked and just sleeping. from
>11 am - 5 pm. Even when the child is crying
>for food, she just give some bottle milk and
>make him sleep. Becos of this my child
>health had a serious problem. From Mid of
>Nov'07, she started going to job. She leaves
>my house by 7.30 am and returns at 10.30 pm.
>i do not where she is working nor her salary
>.. but i guess she is working in some tele-
>call centre. Daily she creates problem, i
>means she tortures me and my mom. She wants
>me to sign the divorce paper first, so that
>she can get monetary benefit. She has openly
>told that she needs divorce , till such she
>will torture us. Even her parents also
>supports her activity and she has informed
>her relative about us in negative way.(like
>we donot provide food, dowry torture etc..)
>
>She has gone to the extent of telling that
>she and family has already arranged persons
>/ gundas by paying Rs. 10,000/- to kill me
>and my mom. But she is waiting for my money.
>Me and my mom love the child very much and
>so we are tolerating her activities. We do
>not awnt the child to get affected in any
way.
>
>Members please help me on how to deal. I do
>not want to leave the child nor my Mom. I
>plan to seperate my mom from the current
>house and provide her a peaceful life. Can
>she take her belongings or I think my wife
>create a problem. Request your valuable
>guidance..
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